Can't find the cbox? Your screen's too small,
so we've put it at the bottom!
   New Reply  New Topic  New Poll 

 To: Mr. Phineas Derrick, From: Clarence Grayfield
Clara Grayson
 Posted: Jun 25 2012, 08:26 AM
Quote

Wonders

Posts: 114

Full App
Played by: Red


Mr Phineas Derrick,

I am quite impressed with your work, I must say - your plots are flawless and your wit excellent. I devoured your works within hours.

However, I must admit to being rather curious as to how your readers manage to ingest so much purple prose-cum-blatant violence in one sitting? Furthermore, although I am unaware of your demographic, I imagine that your female readers are grateful for the fact that so many of your stories feature their gender so frequently. Never mind that they feature as common whores, of course. It would be nice to see a well-developed female character who didn't make her living from selling herself, but I suppose you would be sacrificing an interesting character by doing so. I have seen Harlot Death described as 'heart-pounding', and the presence of so many prostitutes certainly brings the phrase new meaning.

I now address your housemaid, specifically about your apparent rodent problem. It would certainly explain the Yellow Mouse, although why exactly your infestations are flaxen is beyond me. I can recommend an excellent exterminator if you need one. In any case, I found Arthur's mindset to be very well developed, and I enjoyed his insane brand of logic and manner of thinking.

Truthfully I can say that I have been aware of your literary prowess for some time, and hope that you will not object to some (somewhat) constructive criticism from a fellow author. I welcome any response you might care to write.

Thank you,

Clarence Grayfield
PM>>
^
Phineas Derrick
 Posted: Jun 25 2012, 03:53 PM
Quote

Humans

Posts: 155

Full App
Played by: N/A


Mr. Grayfield,

I must say that your letter, while a surprise, was received with much pleasure until the third paragraph. To enlighten a complete (though not entirely unheard of) stranger into the private affairs of my own household comes with a little difficulty for me. For the reputation of my maid however, I shall endeavor to do so with all the collected calm associated with my class.

We have no rodent infestation and I must confess I am a little confused as to how the rumor started. I have no visitors as a rule. If this rumor was made mention to you by Mr. Wiles please let me know at once. To put the rumor to rest, I shall tell you that the idea first came to me when I was fifteen. My father took me with him to Paris for three years and during that time I did see my share of rodents, prostitutes, and murdering theives in the prisons there. The experience has never quite left me.

As to my demographic, I confess I know little of them. I have visited book stores on occasion and inquired as to what kinds of people read my works and the shop keepers seem unable to give any illuminating information on the subject. Frankly I put it out of my mind. I am unaware of your writing process but for me, I do not write for the readers. I write for myself and for what I would like to see on the market.

Prostitutes are some of the more interesting people and have an interesting position in life that I find fascinating. They are some of the only people who can tell us whether or not the king, the president, or even a congressman who shall remain nameless, really do put on their trousers one leg at a time. I will not apologize for killing or featuring these women in my works. They shall continue prominently, I assure you. I have little drive to write anything else.

I object to no criticism from you, however, Mr. Grayfield. In fact I welcome it. The tone of this reply might come across as harsh but I truly thank you for your time. The fact that you are so very familiar with my books leaves me a bit embarrassed that I have never read any of yours and that, I suddenly feel, is a great gaping hole in my own library.

Please allow me to extend the invitation of a visit to my house whenever it is convenient for you. I am always at home save for Sundays and whenever I am not at home.

Yours,

Phineas Derrick

P.S. If you do decide to come, a strong bottle of this or that will not go amiss.
PM>>
^
Clara Grayson
 Posted: Jun 26 2012, 09:55 AM
Quote

Wonders

Posts: 114

Full App
Played by: Red


Mr. Derrick,

I am honored that a man who professes to never accept guests as a rule would invite me into his home.

I unfortunately find myself under a pile of ever-increasing tasks. Although I would very much enjoy a visit to your residence, I have to say it would not be fair to the duties I have assigned myself to complete. I can, however, send you my secretary. I can assure you she matches up with me in wit and far surpasses me in charm, and I hope you find her suitable company. Unfortunately she has refused to take notes on the condition of your rodent infestation, or apparent lack thereof. If they are yellow, I am sure she will remember without written aid.

I will send her this Friday at approximately three in the afternoon, if this suits you.

Thank you for your invitation,

Clarence Grayfield
PM>>
^
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 Options   New Reply  New Topic  New Poll 


 


 


CBOX